Perspective

No scriptural reference this morning- just a little journaling.
Hubs finally got a job offer last week, not one I was happy about. I know. Who’s NOT happy about a job offer after several interviews and many months no work?? Me. Apparently. You see, I had my reasons. I’m upset with the company still (same place that laid him off). I just feel like we have seen our day with this company BUT…. and then there is the small issue of money. They offered less than he’s making now, but NOW they will be taking out for insurance and retirement. We countered- ok he countered- and they didn’t even budge. Not even one penny. So I have my issues with that as well. (Is the employment world so changed that the employer is THAT entitiled!? In the world I remember, they give a little wiggle room so they can move up a bit- but ok). So needless to say for my own selfish reasons I’m less than ecstatic about hubs “new” job. That is until last night at church.
Last night I listened to one of our a church families as they asked for prayer because they just found out- due to recent cutbacks in job- that they will have to sell their house and downsize. I listened to her go into detail about the worries they have putting food on the table and figuring out bus fare to get their 13 year old daughter down to them for her monthly visit. Then I listened as another member of our church family explain uncertainty with their workplace, firings and resignations that have completely tipped his team over the scale of normalcy and efficiency.
Then we continued on our discussion of the book of the Judges.
All the sudden I could see how selfish I was being. How entitled I felt. I’m tired of treading water- I want to get a little ahead. If our car dies I’d like to have some wiggle room that we can make a car payment if needed. But that’s not the plan.., right now. I keep giving God the praise to the outside world but in my prayers I try and negotiate with him. “If you offer this, I will do this in return.” And just as I was shown in sermon last night– Jephthah negotiated with God and he lost. He gave glory to Him when he won his battles but in prayer he negotiated. He negotiated himself out of his only child.
Soooooo…..rounding things out. I was shown the ugliness of my grave sin last night. I am sorry to God for not accepting His gifts to our family graciously. I am sorry to my hubs for causing him to doubt himself and (I’m sure) his ability to provide sufficiently for this family. I apologize to my church family because I thought i was so entitled that i put my needs above theirs and was blind to their struggles. I am human- I am prone to selfishness, poor decisions, works based thoughts for salvation, and ungrateful actions. But that is why Jesus sat on that cross for me. Not because of who I am- but because of His great love for me.

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