Category Archives: trust

Who’s Guiding Who?

It’s 2 am as we speak, most my community is tucked in their beds…. I am not. My head is spinning a million miles an hour. I have butterflies, I feel sick. I have waves of excitement replaced by those of dread, then full on panic. I had a “bomb” dropped on me this week. The news has sent me into a tail spin. My business partner has decided to step down for the sake of her family. Because of this, I have some pretty big decisions to make myself. Do I proceed onward and upward, or do I forfeit the store front- in favor of working on a smaller scale. I love our little shop! I love the people I meet because of it, I love the chances I have to minister to others through those meetings. And that is what this little shop has been for me- my ministry. But I can’t do this alone. So I am left with this unsettling feeling of just what to do.
So-at two a.m. as I turn to my bible, I end up with this passage- and it’s subsequent devotion:

I will bless the L ord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the L ord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalms 16:7, 8 NLT)

It is human nature to make our own plans and then ask God to bless them. Instead, we should seek God’s will first. By constantly thinking about the Lord and his way of living, we will gain insights that will help us make right decisions and live the way God desires. Communicating with God allows him to counsel us and give us wisdom.

How do I have the wisdom to discern my plans and God’s plans for me? He is good. He has granted us success with this shop. He has opened doors for me to meet people that would have never come into my life, were it not through the store. But, what about the ministry of motherhood? Because right now, we are DEEPLY lacking in that area. My family’s cracks are growing wider. I am at this point- is my glory to Him in a shop or in my family??
Can I be at peace in a simple life? Do I want to define my worth through my children or through my work because, now is that time.
Now is when I decide the answer, and act accordingly.



No scriptural reference this morning- just a little journaling.
Hubs finally got a job offer last week, not one I was happy about. I know. Who’s NOT happy about a job offer after several interviews and many months no work?? Me. Apparently. You see, I had my reasons. I’m upset with the company still (same place that laid him off). I just feel like we have seen our day with this company BUT…. and then there is the small issue of money. They offered less than he’s making now, but NOW they will be taking out for insurance and retirement. We countered- ok he countered- and they didn’t even budge. Not even one penny. So I have my issues with that as well. (Is the employment world so changed that the employer is THAT entitiled!? In the world I remember, they give a little wiggle room so they can move up a bit- but ok). So needless to say for my own selfish reasons I’m less than ecstatic about hubs “new” job. That is until last night at church.
Last night I listened to one of our a church families as they asked for prayer because they just found out- due to recent cutbacks in job- that they will have to sell their house and downsize. I listened to her go into detail about the worries they have putting food on the table and figuring out bus fare to get their 13 year old daughter down to them for her monthly visit. Then I listened as another member of our church family explain uncertainty with their workplace, firings and resignations that have completely tipped his team over the scale of normalcy and efficiency.
Then we continued on our discussion of the book of the Judges.
All the sudden I could see how selfish I was being. How entitled I felt. I’m tired of treading water- I want to get a little ahead. If our car dies I’d like to have some wiggle room that we can make a car payment if needed. But that’s not the plan.., right now. I keep giving God the praise to the outside world but in my prayers I try and negotiate with him. “If you offer this, I will do this in return.” And just as I was shown in sermon last night– Jephthah negotiated with God and he lost. He gave glory to Him when he won his battles but in prayer he negotiated. He negotiated himself out of his only child.
Soooooo…..rounding things out. I was shown the ugliness of my grave sin last night. I am sorry to God for not accepting His gifts to our family graciously. I am sorry to my hubs for causing him to doubt himself and (I’m sure) his ability to provide sufficiently for this family. I apologize to my church family because I thought i was so entitled that i put my needs above theirs and was blind to their struggles. I am human- I am prone to selfishness, poor decisions, works based thoughts for salvation, and ungrateful actions. But that is why Jesus sat on that cross for me. Not because of who I am- but because of His great love for me.

The Many Faces of an Army

My reading this morning came from :
He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the L ord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. (2 Chronicles 20:15 NLT)

I’m going through a sermon series right now on gracious parenting. It’s called Heritage Parenting by— in case your wondering. BUT. it has been overwhelming. The ways in which I’m doing things wrong, the fact that time is slipping by me to mould these little hearts and souls that have been entrusted to me, sometimes it feels like an army of do’s and dont’s is heaving at the gates. Sometimes that army takes the form of my to do list that is always a mile long. Or perhaps, work related stuff, afterschool activities for the children, keeping a clean house, being on mission…. You see my army takes on many faces. Unfortunately- there are many times I heap these tasks upon my self and feel the breath of my army on my neck. I need to remember this…today….don’t be afraid! It is not my battle but God’s. If I submit to him as a ruler and general on my heart in my life, I will wage that war and win!

Just Ask

I was in Matthew today-Matt 7:7 to be exact :
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7 ESV)

Our God is a great, merciful, spoiling Father. Like a King with his children, there is nothing he would deny us…if we but ask. Sometimes I think- well He knows my heart why do I need to ask? But i’ve come to the conclusion the asking is more for me. And this is why:

One needs to be HUMBLE enough to realize they can’t do it on their own, they need to ask for help.
One needs to exercise PATIENCE when relying on someone else to provide for them.
One needs to show FAITH in the person they ask.
One needs to TRUST that the person they ask to help loves them enough to assist.

God WILL answer me once I can exhibit humility, patience, faith and trust in Him and his provision.

Published to my Holy Bible App: McMommy

I Had a Dream Last Night…incorporating Joseph’s example into my life…


Long, long have we had a fascination with dream interpretation. Some believe dreams to be a direct revelation by God himself to the dreamer. The cool thing is, unlike many things that require complete and utter faith in the unseen- dreaming still holds stock in our unfaithful world. Whilst God is sometimes a taboo subject with some individuals, dream interpretation can be a gateway to conversation with that same person- it’s up to you on how you sneak some morsels of Godness into your conversation. It’s like those recipes for sneaking healthy stuff into brownies…if your good at it, they’ll ingest it without even knowing the goodness they received.
Case in point:
Just yesterday I stumbled upon a dream interpreter on the radio. He informed me that to have a dream of a sexual nature of someone outside my faithful relationship did NOT mean I was secretly pining for that person. It actually meant that I saw some quality in that person that I wanted to highlight in my own life. What does this have to do with God you say? nothing really, other than it got me thinking about a few dreams I’ve had in the past two years. A while ago I was going through a time of self redefinition. I was a new mom of four, newly moved, with a hubby that traveled. I felt very alone, and very unsatisfied. I was searching. One night I had a dream that I was frantically running through a store gathering supplies for my “work” when I looked down to my supplies, where I expected to find food items I actually found frames. At the time I was dabbling a little in chocolate dipping and expected, I guess, to be purchasing chocolate stuff, but instead ended up with frames. I was surprised because up to that point, my camera was just my hobby. But I went with it. Over the course of the year, I DID end up dipping chocolates which lead me to being discovered by a boutique owner that wanted to carry my chocolates in her shop. As I met her, I saw a much deeper need for something I KNEW how to do…marketing, blogging, and photographing. We began our unlikely pair up. What ended up happening the more I was behind the camera, and in front of the computer was– I found that I loved what I was doing. I gained confidence in my arena, and began taking on photo sessions for others. She began referring colleagues to me for social media marketing, and product photography. Another year passed by, and a day didn’t go by that I wasn’t approached about either my photography or my social media business. I was thriving. Then I met with the shop owner. Over the past eighteen or so months, we had become quite close- what had started out as a business relationship became a friendship. She confided in me her dreams for the future of the shop and she and I agreed that it would be a great move to team up as partners with the changes of the store. And that my dears as how I became a boutique owner. What has become of my social media and photography you ask? I have completely removed my social media business from all avenues of promotion. My photography is a different story. As of late, I am trying to juggle the two. As I have longed for simplification in my life, this has become the subject of many a prayer. Then God spoke to me…again…in a dream.


Last night I had a dream…I had gone as far as to have a studio, it was close to rent time, I was busy at the shop, and had a session at the studio. I was running late and fresh out of new ideas. I was stressed because rent was riding on this shoot and I had nothing. When I got there, my studio was nothing but a big warehouse… Devoid of any photo props, coziness, or anything else that might indicate the warmth or professionalism of the photographer I hope to portray. That was all. End of dream.
There is the literal conclusion I can draw- your pictures have run their course, concentrate on the shop. BUT there is always the non-literal translation. As with the sex dream translation and the frame dream translation, neither dream was what it seemed. So this then could mean something very different from what may first appear to be.
Remember when Joseph first interpreted the dreams for the baker and the cupbearer….I would have never guessed that the birds eating bread from the basket on the dudes head would mean in three days time they would all but be making snack out of his brains. But hey… Joe was right. He then interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams and we all know those were words from God because here Joseph sits for all to read, In the middle of Genesis. So Joseph- what does MY dream mean? Right now- to me- its unclear. What I do know is this: vs 39 says- since God has shown you all this, there is none so discerning as you…
41: I have set you over the land…in my case my land or my life consists of not a whole people, but my people…my family- those that rely on me. If I remember to give God his glory and remain a humble servant like Mr. Coat of Many Colors- I can rest in the fact that as time continues, my dreams meaning will present itself loud and clear.


Originally posted on my Holy Bible app: Mcamommy

Doomsday Prepper-Heeding God’s Word or Satan’s Fear?

Job 5:19-27-
I’m on a countdown. My countdown is not to Christmas…it’s to the end of the Mayan calendar. how can you not be at least a little interested in what may come to pass on that day? We are surrounded by fear, awe and wonder when it comes to the subject of the end of the world.
It bogs down Google- it’s all over cable, and there are at least a dozen movies made about the subject. But where do Christians stand?
I have a doomsday prepper pretty close to me. In the past few years DP has filtered a lot of things down to me as he has researched our pending doom. What I came to realize is that spending anytime on the subject would leave me feeling uncertain, afraid, and completely uneasy.
As I mentioned DP is pretty darn close to me. So I have had to take his information and just let it pass by the way. It’s been very hard for me- but I’ve had to stop opening e-mails from him and be very careful not to engage him in conversation that comes around to the subject.
This past weekend, I happened across another bit of DP information, but this time on Pinterest. As I read Through the blog post I felt those same old feelings of unease creep up.
So- I need these words today. What pulled me through my fear earlier this year was my faith that His name and His gospel bear GOOD news. Where I have been able to recognize his hand in so many awful situations, I need to remember His hand is here too. Our economic weakness is His doing. My survival in said Depression…..that’s His work as well.
If my house is in order and at peace, whom then shall I fear?
If I worry about tomorrow and the looming death and destruction, am I then saying I don’t trust in Jesus and his deliverance of my soul? I can prepare my home but that doesn’t just mean hoarding firearms, fuel, and food. It means putting my house in order to accept Him into our lives. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE. It means building a foundation on a rock strong enough to weather the storm. If I, like Job can build an unwavering faith in Jesus Christ-I, like Job will be rewarded with a second chance at life full of more happiness than I could have EVER imagined.
I did a search and found a few tidings of joy as far as this subject is concerned–
With overwhelming research leading back to idols and occult, this is what I found….
“Besides this doomsday prophecy, our society has a fascination with various degrees of the occult which includes astrology, fortune telling, palm reading, crystals, channeling, spirituality, new age practices, witchcraft and others. And Satan is behind all of them.”
A Dangerous Fascination (Deuteronomy 18:9-14)
Just as most of us are naturally curious about a magician’s trick, the Israelites were curious about the occult practices of the Canaanites. Because Satan was involved in these practices, God warned Israel to avoid them. People today are still fascinated by horoscopes fortune-telling, witchcraft and cults. Often their interest comes from a desire to know and control the future. But the information Satan offers is likely to be distorted or completely false. With the trustworthy guidance of the Holy Spirit through the Scriptures and the church, we don’t need to turn to occult sources for information.

Just Say No to the Occult (Leviticus 20:6)

Everyone is interested in what the future holds. We often look to others for guidance. But God warned the Israelites against looking to the occult for advice. Mediums and psychics were outlawed because God was not the source of their information. At best, occult practitioners are fakes whose predictions cannot be trusted. At worst, they are in contact with evil spirits and are thus extremely dangerous. We don’t need to look to the occult for information about the future. God has given us the Bible-a trustworthy source-for guidance. Is it your one-stop wisdom check?

Acting on What’s Right (1 Samuel 28:3-25)

Although Saul had banned all mediums and psychics from Israel, he turned to one in desperation. Likewise, we may make a great show of denouncing something that we know is wrong. Yet if our heart doesn’t change, we may find ourselves doing what we said was wrong. Knowing what is right and condemning what is wrong does not take the place of doing what is right.

These were found here:

Colossians 3:1, “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”

And finally- one of my favorite scriptures I think is perfect here: Matthew 6:25-33
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:25-33 ESV)

Published Holy Bible App: McMommy

Slammed Shut

There is a song in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat…..,
Close every door to me.
Hide all the world from me.
Bar out the windows and shut out the light….
Darken my daytime and
Torture my night….if my life were important I would ask will i live or die…..
This song echoed in my head today as I read the story of how Joe got to that space in the first place. You see, he trusted. He put his whole life in the hands of another. He trusted that IF he acted in a certain manner, those around him would act with as much honor in regards to him. He was handed a healthy dose of reality as his integrity was challenged and his lifestyle was stripped away. All because of an egotistically motivated move on the part of those whom Joseph trusted with his life.

Hub’s is out of a job these days. He has been for six months. I couldn’t help but to see the similarities in our story and Joseph’s. We entrusted our lives to his employer. We believed that this employer would look out after us. If H showed loyalty, a good work ethic, and integrity; we would have nothing to worry about. This company has moved us to a different state, and back. H has worked his way from local location to management to corporate. He’s poured blood sweat and tears into them for 11 years. Then, in an egotistically motivated move, H was stripped of his gainful employment. We were stripped of our lifestyle. It has felt in the last few months as though the door has been slammed shut….the window barred. H has been on several interviews, he has worked through dozens of other applicants- been invited back for second, third and fourth interviews, only to have the door brutally slammed in his face at the final selection process. I’ve stood by and watched as he’s gotten excited about company after company only to be passed again. It has been heart wrenching. But today the words of the song rattle around in my ever hopeful brain….
I know that the answers lie
Far from this world
Children of Israel are never alone
For I know I shall find
My own peace of mind.

Joseph was betrayed by those whom he trusted, but he still chose to trust in the goodness of others. He got out of prison and ended up in a better position in life. Today, as H goes back to his old company on a temporary project, I too will trust in the goodness of others, but more importantly I will trust in the Lord’s sovereignty. I will remember that He is truly in charge of my life, of our family. One day, THIS will all be part of the story that built our character and brought us closer to our own peace of mind.